i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
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