i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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