mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
