Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize