he wants to bone in the snuggie
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
