im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize