Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Drunk is not a location!
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
