she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
