I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
