My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
