Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
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