The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Randomize