when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
