somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
