HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Randomize
