Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Randomize