Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
