There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
