She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
