Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
