So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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