If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Ketchup is God's man juice
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
