my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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