If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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