Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
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