My brain says no but my pants say off.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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