Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
