Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
