I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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