Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
