imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
