This is not my ceiling
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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