Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
