i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I've blown a few things in my day
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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