He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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