At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
