Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
