Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
