If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so let's talk penis.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
