If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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