sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize