All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
