Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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