Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
