my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
