Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
