I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
