About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
