am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
where are my eyebrows?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
