seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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