Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Randomize
