His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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