i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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