I wanna passion pit in your ass
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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