i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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