so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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