the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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