I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
