talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
