I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My liver just had a heart attack.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
