My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
