Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
