I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
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