this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
My bed smells like the plague
I was not drunk enough for that final.
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