I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
