Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
