around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
