If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
