It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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