I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I use my feet as sexual weapons
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
