I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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