He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
