he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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